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My book, "Multi-Lightspeed Exploration" is published! Today was exciting, and sort of scary. My first book signing event just ended, a few miles away from my home.
I had searched online for how to prepare. There are plenty of articles, but none quite prepared me for today. How come, as an author, I find I spend most of my time reading? If it's not researching a story, it's researching how to publish, how to self-publish, how to market the book, how to make the audio book, how to land interviews, how to find an agent, how to arrange for book signings, how to advertise it, etc, etc.
I had brought some extra books, pens, two nice stand-up photos of me holding the book with a slot for flyers. I put one in front of the store and one to guide people once they're inside. I designed the flyers myself. Mainly, they're for curious passersby.
On the table, I had a little stand of business cards with my book's website, and extra flyers. The website has a form so people can contact me without giving out my pseudonym's email. This turned out to be handy. There were so many people, even staying late I couldn't get to them all, but I could give them each a way to contact me.
And I arrived about 45 minutes early, and was set up with a half hour to spare. Wonderfully, five people came early as well, so I felt warmly welcomed.
I thought the scary part was going to be not knowing what to say on the monogram. Some articles suggested "Warm Wishes" or "In gratitude." But I wanted something more topical. So I came up with 4:
It was pleasant for the first fifteen minutes or so. And then it happened.
I had just finished with the fourth person and greeted the fifth. "Hi, your name?" I asked?
"Bob."
He was sort of clutching his book, and not smiling. I was a big confused. "Hi Bob. Did you have a question?
And then, he erupted. "How dare you..." (to be written.)
I listened carefully to his tirade and tried to empathize. I frowned wrinkled my brow to show him that his words hit home. I kept my eyes locked with his and pretended I was deeply wounded. I whispered, "Oh my God!" "I'm so sorry!" "I never wanted to hurt you."
As he finished his tirade, I let my shoulders slump and hung my head to one side, hoping he'd be satisfied at the damage he had caused. It seemed to work.
He finished with, "And don't you dare ever write a word again!" and turned around to storm out.
That's when the second jerk appeared from behind him and said, "She's got every right to write books. I hope she keeps writing."
And Bob lost it. "No!" he shouted, "Never again!" And then he pulled out a knife.
My eyes went wide! I knew there was space behind my chair, so I pushed myself back and tipped over. As I tipped back, I took a huge breath in. As the back of the chair hit the ground I let my head bang gently into the carpet and smacked my the pen in my hand hard against the chair, making a loud slapping sound. I let out a quick loud groan as if I had been stabbed and went limp, as if I had fainted or worse. The hard part came next, trying to make my breathing very shallow, imperceptible.
There was quiet for a second and then someone yelled, "You killed him!"
I heard Bob yell, "Get out of my way." and then a commotion that sounded like he ran from the store.
Someone said, "Oh my God- we should call an ambulance!"
That's when I groaned. "No, no, I think I'm okay," and opened my eyes. I rolled to my side and onto all fours, shook my head and stood up, lifting the chair up. "I think I'm fine, actually."
"Are you sure?" a woman said?
And then I heard another voice, toward the back of the line say, "Wait, never mind, I guess he's fine. But send a police officer."
"Everyone," I addressed the crowd, "Thanks so much for coming. Please stay. I'm not good at remembering what people look like, so you'll need to help me describe Bob to the police. But in the meantime, let's continue with the signing. No one ever said that traveling faster than the speed of light wouldn't be dangerous!"
I smiled, and a few people chuckled.
Then I said, "Note though, that this was quite frightening. Each of us is different, and some might find it quite upsetting." I came out from behind the desk. "Please, if you came with someone, stand close to them. Let me first pair each of you up with someone." I went through the line and paired them up. There was one woman at the end of the line.
"Alright, I want you to stand right in front of your partner now and look straight into their eyes. Then give them a big hug, for exactly 3 seconds. Then, whichever of you is taller will go first and say, 'Are you alright? How do you feel?' and the other person will answer. Then the shorter person will ask and listen to the answer. Then you'll hug once more for three seconds. This will help a lot with the stress. Okay? Start!"
I looked at my partner's eyes and then opened my arms. She reciprocated and we gave each other a big hug. I then asked, "Are you okay? How do you feel?" She answered. She was shocked at first, then froze with fright at the sight of the knife. She was worried when I had pitched back, but was still frozen with shock as Bob had run away. Afterwards, her stomach was sore. But the hug had helped.
Then she asked me. "I'm fine. I read long ago that when violence looks likely, pretending to be injured and then fainting is a pretty reliable way to avoid being attacked. I'm just glad I remembered at the time. And yes, the hug definitely helped. But don't tell anyone. If Bob has an accomplice here, I don't want him to know that I'm unharmed. One more?"
She nodded, and we hugged again, and this time, both of us smiled.
I reminded people to stick around till the police came, then signed two more books before they arrived. By that time, the store manager had found a photo of Bob on the security camera, so the police just needed to get witness's contact information.
I think I signed 50 books after that.