I wrote this "final" letter to my father-in-law, Martin.

Dear Martin,

Leah tells me you’re having difficulty rising from a chair. I hope it’s not the beginning of the final few days, but if it is, I thought I’d put "pen" to paper.

We all know that you and Miriam don’t like to talk about death. I’m sorry to force my different view on you. I believe it’s very important to be complete in life. And this is one more chance to be complete with you, and for you to be complete.

My family is different. This July we’re having a memorial for my dear not-yet-departed father. We talk about his death all the time. And they’re often wonderful conversations- something to live for! I hope this letter will be good for you.

And I need to say all this, to acknowledge all this. My studies taught me that no relationships are 50/50. Any decent relationship is 100% my responsibility. Hopefully it’s 100% theirs as well, but that’s not in my control. So I’m taking responsibility for being in communication with you, hopefully not for the last time.

I’m sorry I can’t visit. The world needs me. I’m up till 2-5am every morning. Things are finally progressing. I hope you’ll be around to see politics transform. Someone has to take responsibility for fixing the planet. No one can do it alone, so someone has to take responsibility for all of us working together. So I stepped up.

And thanks for your support in it. You and Miriam have always minimized your expressions of incredulity. You’ve never made me wrong for risking some of our savings. You’ve never asked me to share with you what-if-failure scenarios. That was brave and trusting. Thanks for that.

Many others have stepped up as well. A few with me, most with their own projects. My promise to you is that we’ll succeed. Please rest in peace, knowing all is okay and will soon be very well. There are plenty of reasons to be skeptical, even cynical. But my promise is that the future for us is bright. Obviously I can’t give a guarantee. Yet I do. I give you my word.

As part of that, I promise to continue to take care of your daughter and our kids. Things have been rocky at times, but beneath her "stuff" is a wonderful, bright, capable, loving woman. I promise to continue to be her partner, to help her through her emotional upsets so she can bring her amazing capabilities to our lives the rest of the time. It’s a challenge to find vacations for her, times when she can play, but I’ll continue to work on those as well.

And as your wife’s needs increase, I’m available. Obviously your kids will be first line of support, but I’ll have their backs. She’ll be well looked after, although I can’t quite promise to give her as patient an ear as you seem to. But that will be my yardstick.

You and Miriam set great examples in life. Thanks especially for sharing stories of some of the challenges and less admirable moments. We’re all petty humans, and what’s important is how we handle the stuff that comes our ways, our own foibles, the consequences of our actions, particularly our mistakes, as well as the challenges life throws at us. You took on responsibilities when it was needed, and you did your best to handle everything. You answered the call of myriad adventures, as a kid and son, as a teen and young adult, as a student and a worker, as a husband, father and grandfather. Thanks.

We all know that Debby and Ed and Nancy and Leah are loving, dedicated and committed family participants. And Benjy, Josh, Lyndsay, David, Ryan, Joey and Andy are great young adults. I am honored to be family with them, and promise to be available to all, and to always be a reliable uncle should any need arise, though I haven’t been a particularly involved one.

Rest in peace. Hopefully you’ll be with us many more years, with many peaceful nights of rest, many more glorious mornings of sunrises, hopefully at least a few will be free of the bountiful fogs of Santa Cruz. When the final rest comes, rest in peace then, too.

Much love,
Your son-in-law,
-Randy

(the one with the beard. Leah’s husband. Benjy and Josh’s dad.
  You know, the one who juggles and walks the dogs? No, not juggles dogs.
  Juggles balls. And over-eats, esp sweets? And always wears jeans and a t-shirt?
  The one who likes sitting in your chair! Yeah, that one.
  Oh, you nodded off... Well, after your nap you’ll remember. :?)