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I couldn't sleep last night, so I got up and started reading my mail. In it was a link to an article by Ivy Ellis: Parent to Educators: Stop Labeling Our Children.
I imagined writing a response...
Did they really label your child?
When they labelled ours with "Asperger Syndrome" (AS) in 1998, it was the beginning of understanding about his differences. But just the beginning. At that time, there was very little information about it, and most of it terribly naive. Our case was different- we were aware our son was different. And it was the school psychologist, not a teacher, that talked to us.
In your article, you never mentioned a label, just that the teacher suggested special ed classes for your son. That’s a pretty non-specific recommendation, albeit drastic if it was just for a speech problem. To me it would be upsetting, but not a label.
When your son entered school, did the school have you fill out a form asking you to describe your child? Ours did. Did you mention the speech problem? Perhaps not. My wife took control of our form. I wanted to be frank, but she was concerned it would prejudice teachers against him. She was careful to avoid any negative spin. I imagine teachers read them, but I imagine no description prepares them well. All they really have to go on is what they see in class, until they call for a meeting.
My wife insisted we give succinct responses, not anecdotes. I think we listed something like, "interested in numbers." I would have said something like: One day, when he was 3, my son interrupted me at party and asked me, "Daddy, will you write down all the multiples of 7 for me?" I was in the middle of talking to someone, so replied: "I'm talking to someone right now. How about you start, and ask me for help if you get stuck?" A few minutes later I felt a tug on my arm. I looked down at the three columns of numbers on his piece of paper. He asked, "Daddy, what’s 294 + 7?"
A couple of years later, when he started kindergarten, I had a clue that was exceptional when I walked by the school before it opened. I saw someone was adding the numbers 6 to 10 to five numbered squares on the kindergarten playground. I asked the teacher standing nearby why they were changing it. The teacher said, "Some kids are actually starting school knowing all the numbers from 1 to 10!" I smiled and thanked her. (Incidentally, while my son mostly got good grades, there were often stressful problems to handle.)
There’s a difference between a teacher
I wonder how often parents hear wondering or a recommendation as a certainty. I was like that... My wife was like that, too, some, but like you, she also questioned everything and if they insisted on something drastic, often pushed back hard (and processed her upset later.) That’s great that you were on the ball from the start.
I hope your expression of incredulity was, rather than stressful for you, mostly an affect for the article. It was nicely written.
'Best wishes,
-Rand