Why Working on PeopleCount Alone is so Hard

It recently dawned on me why working alone on PeopleCount has been so hard. Being responsible for all of it, my mind is constantly thinking ahead to:

• the many other parts of the code,
• the different kinds of outreach needed,
• which political issues to cover first,
• the millions of people suffering due to the gross dysfunction of our political system,
• the futility of trying to do this alone
• the many people who would love to support this effort if they understood it
• my failures to reach and enroll such people

I've long told a story of my experience with my brain. When I was a kid, a curiosity or desire would occur like wanting to go somewhere. Then I'd race there. On the way, I'd see a river and detour to drink. Then I'd see a new path forward and race along it. I felt fast and free.

After college, I realized it was more like I was on a horse! It was a great horse, but it had a mind of its own. We'd race somewhere, but then it was concerned about food and drink, fatigue, it's health, distractions, and worries! It was a machine built for speed, but at the same time, it had concerns. It naturally looked for and found patterns. It readily found meaning in things and when it didn't find any, it invented meaning. It held tight to threats and constantly tried to predict the future to calm its fears and keep me safe.

The brain is a machine with its own quirks, both strengths and weaknesses. It's constantly thinking about many things at once. If it's something well out of my domain, like a war or world hunger, I don't have to worry about it. Or if others are taking care of those things.

The brain is not me, but at the same time, it's the repository for all ideas about who I am. It's desperate to model me well to know how to protect me. I've trained it to know that identity is a myth, but to the brain, identity is key to understanding.

Even today, I guide it to work but it's always on the lookout for other opportunities and dangers. In previous jobs, other took responsibility for all the other moving parts of the product. With this one, since there's no one else, it takes on all the responsibilities.

About 35 years ago, I promised my brain that it wouldn't have to take responsibility for life. I would take responsibility and it could just do what it does best, perceive, understand, and analyze.

It's high time I to make this into an affirmation:

Dear Brain,
The responsibility is mine, not yours.
Focus on the just the task at hand and everything will be alright.